Saturday, March 29, 2008
you know if i wasn't having a cough and keeping to my latest attempt to watch what i eat (or rather i'm feeling large next to the world of skinny ppl), i would wallow in chocolate ice cream right now. or at least a bottle of sprite. >.<
latest idealogy that makes laura feel.. inadequate.
my social life sucks. no, wait, let me rephrase that, i am not good at making friends, i shy away from crowds although i enjoy being in large crowds to OBSERVE but not interact. i tend to judge people rather quickly but i'm seldom wrong so i dont regret my actions. for some unnatural reasons, some people have instincts to tell whether a person is a bitch.backstabber.a.general.asshole. or not. yes, i tend to go with my gut feeling so it makes me a little unpopular when the person is one of those who are 'popular'
btw it doesnt help that i am of mixed blood but yet i see myself leaning towards chinese-american-english than chinese-indian. i dont speak any indian dialects, i dont know any tradition and up to three years ago didnt know my indian ancestors' actual race. so therefore i do not hang out with the indian crowd as the language barrier (in sg makes it very challenging) dammit, we're a metropolitan city but yet most ppl are incapable of handling the damn language of ENGLISH.
okae, back to the topic. i do not have friends whom are of the shallow sort and tend to talk behind your back. actually i do but i dont call them friends. i do not believe in hanging with idiots i dont want to. which places me apart from the 'popular' ppl who just does it. sure it makes you more likeable but who's personality is that? store-bought? if so, i'd like one too.
1. hence i do not camwhore or take photos of any sort except those family kind or special occasions (christmas or CNY) or those random times when spontaneity hits me with/or my friends. many friends, and strangers, do it all the time. in fact i just saw some that they merely pursed their lips and looked scary yet cutesy-playful at the same time. beats me how they do that. and coz i dont do that, i tend to drop these friends as soon as we lose touch on those daily or weekly basis.
2. i do not have those story book kind of best friend. sure i had best friends from pre-K all the way through secondary school. but three months from graduating and i'm best-friend-less. -sighs-
i did not grow up with those best friends whom we seen since diapers. to the same kindergarten. same class in primary school until we were deemed to troublesome and split up. NADA.
i did not have the requisite gay bestie. although i did have some runner up versions in kindergarten and secondary school, primary sch being the exception since gays were not allowed in girls sch as of yet. lawls.
neither did i have the best friend who became my bf kind. firstly the first 'official' best friend turned boyfriend made me cry on our first 'date' before i got kissed. i was four then so it doesnt actually count either since i had two other boyfriends, nicholas and sohale at the same time.
hence i dont have the best friend to be there for me whenever i had problems (eg grades, bfs, parents). it's not the same for those not BFFs but come a close second behind it. you're not in their foremost mind, but they are BFs to a certain extent. so no shopping sprees. no giggly type of gossipy sessions or makeover sessions. no sleepover but actually not sleeping but talking until morn sort of things. NONE.
ugh. give me a break. if there's a third option, i hope it's equally as great as the second because i hate the first. and i look bad in photographs.
latest idealogy that makes laura feel.. inadequate.
my social life sucks. no, wait, let me rephrase that, i am not good at making friends, i shy away from crowds although i enjoy being in large crowds to OBSERVE but not interact. i tend to judge people rather quickly but i'm seldom wrong so i dont regret my actions. for some unnatural reasons, some people have instincts to tell whether a person is a bitch.backstabber.a.general.asshole. or not. yes, i tend to go with my gut feeling so it makes me a little unpopular when the person is one of those who are 'popular'
btw it doesnt help that i am of mixed blood but yet i see myself leaning towards chinese-american-english than chinese-indian. i dont speak any indian dialects, i dont know any tradition and up to three years ago didnt know my indian ancestors' actual race. so therefore i do not hang out with the indian crowd as the language barrier (in sg makes it very challenging) dammit, we're a metropolitan city but yet most ppl are incapable of handling the damn language of ENGLISH.
okae, back to the topic. i do not have friends whom are of the shallow sort and tend to talk behind your back. actually i do but i dont call them friends. i do not believe in hanging with idiots i dont want to. which places me apart from the 'popular' ppl who just does it. sure it makes you more likeable but who's personality is that? store-bought? if so, i'd like one too.
1. hence i do not camwhore or take photos of any sort except those family kind or special occasions (christmas or CNY) or those random times when spontaneity hits me with/or my friends. many friends, and strangers, do it all the time. in fact i just saw some that they merely pursed their lips and looked scary yet cutesy-playful at the same time. beats me how they do that. and coz i dont do that, i tend to drop these friends as soon as we lose touch on those daily or weekly basis.
2. i do not have those story book kind of best friend. sure i had best friends from pre-K all the way through secondary school. but three months from graduating and i'm best-friend-less. -sighs-
i did not grow up with those best friends whom we seen since diapers. to the same kindergarten. same class in primary school until we were deemed to troublesome and split up. NADA.
i did not have the requisite gay bestie. although i did have some runner up versions in kindergarten and secondary school, primary sch being the exception since gays were not allowed in girls sch as of yet. lawls.
neither did i have the best friend who became my bf kind. firstly the first 'official' best friend turned boyfriend made me cry on our first 'date' before i got kissed. i was four then so it doesnt actually count either since i had two other boyfriends, nicholas and sohale at the same time.
hence i dont have the best friend to be there for me whenever i had problems (eg grades, bfs, parents). it's not the same for those not BFFs but come a close second behind it. you're not in their foremost mind, but they are BFs to a certain extent. so no shopping sprees. no giggly type of gossipy sessions or makeover sessions. no sleepover but actually not sleeping but talking until morn sort of things. NONE.
ugh. give me a break. if there's a third option, i hope it's equally as great as the second because i hate the first. and i look bad in photographs.
what we could have been, 1:20 am.
